My Emotions, My Body

I went for a long-overdue massage myself last week. I'd been waking up with a sore neck. A pain in my back that occurs when I overdo it was becoming a low-grade always-there thing. I scheduled a 90-minute massage -- upper body only -- with a therapist I've seen before.

Wow, that was eye-opening!

There wasn't a single part of my body from my hips to the top of my head that wasn't tight. She really couldn't get "into" the tissue anywhere because I was one giant tight muscle. Yep, it hurt at times and yep, she was pretty frustrated. But I wasn't surprised.

The last year has been one of the hardest periods of my life. The turmoil of my mother's death (both anticipating her death and living with the reality of her death) have been emotionally grueling. I've had a lot of insomnia, anxiety, restlessness, depression, and just about everything else you can imagine.

In the massage I had a chance to realize I've been holding myself tight, physically and emotionally, for quite a long while now and -- no surprises -- I'm now paying for that. Holding myself tight wasn't wrong. In fact, given my emotional landscape, it was a reasonable response. It just means now I have to deal with the aftereffects.

Emotional turmoil is just as strong a force on our bodies as physical turmoil. We often underestimate that. If we aren't obviously broken or bleeding, we downplay the damage.

Many years ago I worked with a young woman who was a competitive athlete. Lately her times were off. She wasn't going as fast as she normally did and she couldn't figure out why. During her session I happened to have my hand on her breastbone when she began talking about a loved one's troubles. She was deeply concerned for her loved one. I felt her tighten up under my hand as she spoke.

I said "I think I know why your times are not as good lately. When you think about this person, your body tightens up. You can't move as freely (or as quickly) when your body is all tight. It sounds like you think about this person's problems a lot."

Curiously, despite working in a field that focuses on the effects of stress and trauma to the psyche, she poo-pooh'ed my observation. She preferred to believe it was a purely physical problem, a pulled muscle for example. It couldn't possibly be something as "non-physical" as her emotions!

Our emotions are as much a part of our body as our hormones, our blood, and our bones. They aren't some ephemeral "out there" thing. Pay attention to what your body is literally doing when you are experiencing strong emotions. Shoulders hunching? Stomach tightening? Face scrunching? Hands clenching? Holding your breath? If the emotions are strong enough for long enough, you're likely to experience pain.

I can't solve the emotional aspects of your life (ah, that I could!) but I can help you find some relief from the physical manifestations. I can help you experience relaxation and peace for at least the length of your massage session. I can also help you be aware of what's happening in your body.

I'm booking several more sessions with this therapist (and scheduling a chiropractic adjustment while I'm at it). It's going to take a while to get my body and soul un-clenched from the grief of the past year but I know that, with help, I can do it.