My Emotions, My Body

I went for a long-overdue massage myself last week. I'd been waking up with a sore neck. A pain in my back that occurs when I overdo it was becoming a low-grade always-there thing. I scheduled a 90-minute massage -- upper body only -- with a therapist I've seen before.

Wow, that was eye-opening!

There wasn't a single part of my body from my hips to the top of my head that wasn't tight. She really couldn't get "into" the tissue anywhere because I was one giant tight muscle. Yep, it hurt at times and yep, she was pretty frustrated. But I wasn't surprised.

The last year has been one of the hardest periods of my life. The turmoil of my mother's death (both anticipating her death and living with the reality of her death) have been emotionally grueling. I've had a lot of insomnia, anxiety, restlessness, depression, and just about everything else you can imagine.

In the massage I had a chance to realize I've been holding myself tight, physically and emotionally, for quite a long while now and -- no surprises -- I'm now paying for that. Holding myself tight wasn't wrong. In fact, given my emotional landscape, it was a reasonable response. It just means now I have to deal with the aftereffects.

Emotional turmoil is just as strong a force on our bodies as physical turmoil. We often underestimate that. If we aren't obviously broken or bleeding, we downplay the damage.

Many years ago I worked with a young woman who was a competitive athlete. Lately her times were off. She wasn't going as fast as she normally did and she couldn't figure out why. During her session I happened to have my hand on her breastbone when she began talking about a loved one's troubles. She was deeply concerned for her loved one. I felt her tighten up under my hand as she spoke.

I said "I think I know why your times are not as good lately. When you think about this person, your body tightens up. You can't move as freely (or as quickly) when your body is all tight. It sounds like you think about this person's problems a lot."

Curiously, despite working in a field that focuses on the effects of stress and trauma to the psyche, she poo-pooh'ed my observation. She preferred to believe it was a purely physical problem, a pulled muscle for example. It couldn't possibly be something as "non-physical" as her emotions!

Our emotions are as much a part of our body as our hormones, our blood, and our bones. They aren't some ephemeral "out there" thing. Pay attention to what your body is literally doing when you are experiencing strong emotions. Shoulders hunching? Stomach tightening? Face scrunching? Hands clenching? Holding your breath? If the emotions are strong enough for long enough, you're likely to experience pain.

I can't solve the emotional aspects of your life (ah, that I could!) but I can help you find some relief from the physical manifestations. I can help you experience relaxation and peace for at least the length of your massage session. I can also help you be aware of what's happening in your body.

I'm booking several more sessions with this therapist (and scheduling a chiropractic adjustment while I'm at it). It's going to take a while to get my body and soul un-clenched from the grief of the past year but I know that, with help, I can do it.

Shared Housing: It's Not Just For 20-somethings

This isn't about massage or your body but it is about your health, emotionally and socially.

As many of you have realized, I share my home with more than my husband. We also have a 3rd housemate, Tina. The three of us have known each other independently since about 1990 and have lived together since 2005. We bought our house together in 2006.

This article from the NY Times captures a sense of what we're doing and why we're doing it. As we were all facing our middle years we knew a few things about ourselves: none of were going to have children, we'd grown tired of renting, buying a house in the DC area is expensive even with 2 incomes, and home maintenance is a PITA. Why not share? We now shoulder the financial and maintenance responsibilities on three sets of shoulders, not just two.

Plenty of people get more than a little freaked out at the idea of sharing a house, once past about the age of 30, with anyone you aren't related to by blood or marriage. I won't say it's been trouble-free but then living with just my husband hasn't always been trouble-free! Jeff and I have had plenty of roommate-style negotiations and conflicts to settle (how many dishes is too many in the sink, after all?) so sharing a marriage license or DNA is no guarantee of peace and harmony. The divorce rate would suggest it's also no guarantee of security.

There are lots of things to think through, lots of questions to ask yourself and ask the other person(s). But it's a creative alternative to living alone.

Community is widely recognized as one of the things that helps us stay healthy, mentally and physically, as we get older (there, I found a way to make it about health!) but a lot of us end up living alone. If you're anything like me, you've discovered (or will discover) that making new friends and establishing new social circles gets more difficult with each passing decade. That's less about personality and more about the logistics of life. Living with more than one other person, even more than a spouse/offspring/relative, is one way to keep your social circles fresh and open.

As you stare down the road at your 40s, 50s, 60s, 70s and whatever comes after that, be open to creative ways to keeping yourself in community and to sharing the responsibilities of life.

Things That Make Your Massage Therapist Happy

There's a thing going around Facebook now (isn't there always) challenging people to name three things they are grateful for every day for 7 days. I enjoy this sort of thing so I think I'll share some of the things I'm grateful for in my life as a massage therapist:

 

• I get to meet a wide variety of people. We all tend to move in circles of people who are like us, work in the same fields, or live in the same neighborhoods. I've gotten to meet people I would never have met otherwise.

 

• I'm always challenged to learn more. I'm 14 years into being a massage therapist. When I was 14 years into my previous career (technical writing) I was headed straight for burnout. In massage therapy, on the other hand, there's always something new to learn, understand, and be better with. I doubt I'll ever feel like I've learned everything I need to learn. I've got three training classes planned for the next 6 months: scar release for the torso, lymph drainage level 1, and Reiki level 1.

 

• I have become a better person. I invite everyone who comes into my massage room to tell me the truth about their life, their pain, their frustrations, and how they want things to really be. I hear things. I have had to become the kind of person that can hear many things, respect them, and (most importantly) keep them to myself.

 

• I've developed a more mature reasonable relationship with my own body. Gotta practice what I preach, after all.

 

• People are always glad to see me. I couldn't necessarily say that when I was a technical writer!

 

• And, damn, I spend my days making people happy. If that's not a good way to live, I don't know what is.

One Shoulder or Two?

Aren't shoulders great? They give our arms somewhere to hang for one thing. They also give us convenient places to hang other things -- briefcases, computer bags, purses, backpacks, garment bags, diaper bags, etc. Maybe you've noticed (maybe you haven't) that every time you put something on your shoulder, your shoulder has to lift itself up just a bit to keep that thing from sliding off your shoulder.

In the short term or done infrequently, that's fine. Most of us don't do it infrequently or short term, however. We do it every day or at least a few times a week. And let's not  forget tucking a phone between the shoulder and the ear to free up both hands. I'm amazed when I see people riding a bike down the street and trying that move with a cell phone. Craziness.


The muscle most involved in this hitching up is the levator scapula. As the name implies, it elevates the scapula (shoulder blade). It's also the primary muscle you use when you go back and forth from your mouse to your keyboard (any idea how many times you do that in a day?)

It's not a huge muscle so it's not built for heavy duty use. That means that when it gets worn out, it recruits the other muscles around it. And many of those muscles have one end anchored in your neck or to your spine.

This is a factor in why office workers (like so many of you) have sore shoulders and necks. It's not just about carrying stress in your shoulders, it's also carrying your computer and your mouse and your purse on your shoulder!

What do you do about that need to hitch the shoulder up?

When possible, quit carrying things that weigh more than about 5 pounds off just one shoulder. Yes,  ladies, you should be weighing those purses (and yes, those purses you carry in the crook of your arm also hitch up your shoulder). When you hang something from both shoulders (like a backpack, worn properly) the shoulders don't need to rise up to hold in in place. That also works when you carry something on one shoulder but across the body (starts on one shoulder, ends on the opposite hip).

You can also stretch out these muscles to give them a little break. Here's how I like to do it.

1. Sit in a chair. Put your right hand under the seat so your right shoulder won't rise up.
2. Put your left hand across your head (so your fingers are above your right ear) and gently pull your head to the left (like your were trying to get your left ear on your left shoulder).
3. Pay attention to the muscles in your right shoulder as you do this. Do you feel a gentle tug? That's good. While you're doing this, rotate your head a little to the left (like you want to tuck your nose into your left armpit). Do you feel the stretch move?
4. After 10 - 20 seconds, let go and switch hands so you're stretching the other side.

We aren't going to stop carrying things from our shoulders. It's too convenient and it frees our hands, which we need even more. The best thing we can do is carry things as efficiently as is practical and take care of those muscles when they've been working hard.

And for goodness sake, don't try to tuck your cell phone into your shoulder while you ride a bike!

I'm Just Along For The Ride

When you first become a massage therapist, it's sooooo easy to think "I just fixed that problem". To be really awed and impressed by the change you just wrought. Keep doing this work for a while and a little humility (or a lot) smacks you in the face.

What I now know is that the body is always -- always -- trying to put itself back to right, back to balance, back to reasonable (possibly even optimal) functioning. You and I can help or we can hinder but we aren't likely to make it happen apart from whatever the body is doing.

When I lay my hands on you, especially if it's somewhere that seems particularly jammed up or agitated, the first thought I send to your body is "Hi, how can I help? Where can I be of service?" As much as I am able, I maintain that mindset throughout the session. What is the body trying to do and how can I be an extra resource in that endeavor?

This is particularly true when I've chosen to do myofascial release (it's that really gentle work I do where it seems like I'm not doing anything, even possibly napping). MFR is subtle work and requires me to "listen" closely with my hands to what's already going on in your body. When I think I know what the fascia is trying to do, I use my hands to give that effort an extra little nudge, an extra little oomph. That's how I'm most effective it seems.

I'm never the smartest in the room. Neither are you. Your body knows more than either of us, combined, do or ever will about its functioning. I work best when I remember that.