Talking to another small business owner last night. Talking about what it takes to make change.
No good change is fueled by hate. Changes fueled by hate rarely endure. Not in your body, your relationships, your community, or your world. This is what I've observed over time, especially when it comes to your body (of course).
If you are changing your living habits because you hate your body as it is, it's going to be tough to maintain the change. Hate fuels hot but it doesn't fuel well or over the long haul. It's too corrosive.
Hate isn't native to us. Babies are rarely born hating. It has to be installed at some point. After-market add-ons are never as strong as original factory equipment.
Think about the changes you've tried to make, especially for your body -- diets, stretching regimens, workout plans -- that you've undertaken out of hatred/anger about your body. Did it endure? Did it feel good? Would you want to live that way your entire life? (Fear as a motivator functions a lot like hate.)
Now, think about the changes you've tried to make when you were motivated by love -- for a person, a community, and (yes) your body. Do these changes still bring a smile to your face? Which ones still feel good? Which ones are still active in your life?
One of the things I've learned about being in a long-term relationship is this: it's like someone whipping out a mirror so you can see yourself at your most unattractive. Not because that person is mean and likes to make you feel bad (if it is, get out!!). In my case it's because my love for that person made me acutely aware of my nasty habits and ways because I saw how they affected someone I cared deeply for. I saw the results of my less-than-attractive ways play out in the life of someone I would never want to hurt.
That has spurred more change than anything else ever has. Loving my body and wanting to be kind and gentle with it has spurred more consistent change than any catchy phrase or guilt trip from Weight Watchers / Jenny Craig / The Biggest Loser / late night infomercials ever has.
What I have observed over the years is this paradox -- if you want to change something about yourself, you have to love what you currently have. How can both of these things be true at the same time (which is a good working definition of paradox)? Love the belly fat, the painful low back, the aching neck, the crazy feet. Love your body. Love it enough to want to be kind to it like you'd be kind to your very closest friend.
Yes, I may be crazy. You would not be the first person to suggest that. :) It is, however, worth a moment of consideration.
Love might actually be the answer.
Today is the memorial service for Nelson Mandela. He talked about how he chose to give up the hate he felt for his imprisonment and his jailors. Compare the changes fueled by apartheid vs. the changes fueled by Mandela's decision to move towards love and away from hate. Which one do you think is more profound, more important, more likely to endure?
Love might actually be the answer.
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